


For Ian, Forever Ago

by ElizaAllanPoe



Series: For Ian, Forever Ago [1]
Category: Shameless (US)
Genre: Angst, Breakup, Heartbreak, Love, M/M, Sadness, hejusthasalotoffeelings, kindafuturefic, post 5x12, postbreakup
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-23
Updated: 2016-02-23
Packaged: 2018-05-22 21:01:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 472
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6093915
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ElizaAllanPoe/pseuds/ElizaAllanPoe
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I told I loved you, and you left me.<br/>You didn't want me. No one ever wanted me.<br/>You didn't deserve me like that. God knew that, I knew that, but you still got me. You still have me.<br/>I wish you didn't.</p>
            </blockquote>





	For Ian, Forever Ago

  
  
You told me that my love burned. That I would wrap my arms around you too tight or just get too close, but I  only wanted to keep you warm.  
I told I loved you, and you left me.   
You didn't want me. No one ever wanted me.   
You didn't deserve me like that. God knew that, I knew that, but you still got me. You still have me.  
_I wish you didn't._  
It's hard to admit it to myself still, like I'm not a sap I don't listen to sad songs or read depressing stories, but when I lay in my bed at night or when I walk down the street and I feel that feeling in my chest.

That feeling of emptiness, that's when it dawns on me that you fucking broke me. Ian.

Do you here me?  
You fucking broke me.   
You broke me in every way a person can be broken.   
When you stood on those fucking steps and you told me it was over.   
Everywhere I go my heart stops because I think I hear your voice somewhere in the crowd, and fuck Ian I can't even breathe. I can't breathe without you, and I hate it. ( ~~ _But I love you_~~ )   
Everytime I think of myself happy I see you. You and your fucking red hair.   
You can't even imagine how many fucking gingers I've seen.   
(Or how many times I've had to leave places because I would start to panic, and fuck Ian no one will ever be you.)   
_I loved you and I never loved anything._  
I came out for you, I wanted to help you, and you told me I was trying to change you.   
I never wanted to change you, God Ian, I still don't want to change you.   
The word change is always heavy on my tongue. When I say it or think about it my throat gets itchy and my eyes burn.   
I think about how much everything has changed now.   
Everything but also nothing at the exact same time.   
_My love for you hasn't changed._  
But yours did.   
I wasn't trying to change anything.   
You did.   
And I've realized so much in the time that I've had lately.   
I'm not a saint, and I hurt a lot of fucking people. But you, you were different. I would have fucking died for you. ( _I went to prison for you_ )   
I never wanted to hurt you and when I did it hurt me so much more because all I ever wanted was you.   
A long time ago I told you that what you and I have, it makes me free.   
But now when I think of what you and I had, it _burns_  me.  
( _You left me.)_    
Years in prison didn't break me Ian,   
You did. 

My love didn't burn.

_Yours did._

 

**Author's Note:**

> i wrote this in school today because these two have taken over my life and my heart hurts so bad right now for mickey. he deserved better.  
> i love them so much, these two have left a mark on my heart. Their story touched me, and I really don't like how it's ended. Let's pray the writers will let Ian have a moment of clarity and realize what he's done.  
> Anyways I hope you liked it! let me know what you think :))


End file.
